Monday, April 27, 2015

Excerpt: Professor Birdsong’s 177 Dumbest Criminal Stories: International by Professor Leonard Birdsong

Professor Birdsong is out with another volume of his Dumbest Criminal stories. And he has done it again! Many of his stories are so funny that they will make you laugh out loud. He has managed to use his expertise and experience in criminal law to bring you 177 more of the most outrageous and dumbest criminal law stories from around the world. This new volume features stories of dumb criminals from China and the Far East, Stories from Around the Indian Ocean basin, Russia and Eastern Europe, the United Kingdom and France, as well as stories from Canada and Mexico. There is the story of a Chinese woman accused of killing a shopkeeper by squeezing his scrotum when he asked her not park her motorbike in front of his shop; her grip was so strong that the man went into shock and died. Then there is the story about a South Korean airline passenger who was not allowed to bring a certain liquid on the plane. She drank the liquid in front of airline officials but refused to swallow. When officials made her spit the liquid into a bucket they found she was attempting to sneak dozens of tadpoles on board. In India we learn about the use of “weapons-grade” spice wherein a group of criminals hijacked a train and freed a fellow gang member by throwing locally made chili powder in the face of police chasing them. They got away with it, too. From Australia there was a 20-year-old thief who stole a tanker truck containing 5,811 gallons of milk and led police on a two hour chase. From Poland we learn of a man who sued his ex-wife for a refund on the $8,000 he had spent on her breast implants. From Germany we find that a well-endowed woman allegedly tried to kill her boyfriend by smothering him with her size 38 DD breasts. Then there is the one about the English man arrested for having sex with his girlfriend’s dog. The stories just go on and on; this book covers just about every silly, unlawful citizens from around the in the globe. The stories are all true stories. Full of his witty “Birdsong” commentary the book is sure to deliver some great laughs. Professor Birdsong presents a wide variety of just plain, dumb criminals that make this anthology worth reading and, will, as previously stated, at times, make you laugh out loud.

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European explorers began establishing footholds in the subcontinent of India during the 16th century. By the 19th century, Great Britain had become the dominant political power on the subcontinent. The British Indian Army played a vital role in both World Wars. Years of nonviolent resistance to British rule, led by Mahatma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru, eventually resulted in Indian independence, which was granted in 1947. Large-scale communal violence took place before and after the subcontinent partition into two separate states – India and Pakistan.

The two neighboring nations have fought three wars since independence, the last of which was in 1971 and resulted in East Pakistan becoming the separate nation of Bangladesh. Despite pressing problems of overpopulation, excessive poverty environmental degradation, and widespread corruption, economic growth following the launch of economic reforms in 1991 and a massive youthful population are driving India’s emergence as a regional and global democratic power.

Indian law is based on a common law system on the English model. There are separate personal law codes that apply to Muslims, Christians and Hindus.
The highest court is the Supreme Court.

The chief of state is President Pranab Mukherjee since July 22, 2012.
Here are a few dumbest criminal stories.  These come from India and around the Indian Ocean Basin. They are really funny and weird.

INDIA: Weapons-grade spice!  Who knew? A group of criminals hijacked a train and freed a fellow gang member by using local hot chili powder.  The bandits threw the powder in the faces of the police, freed their cohort and fled.

INDIA: Apparently pachyderms and moonshine do not mix well. A pack of drunken elephants tore through an Indian village after they got into 500 gallons of moonshine.  The elephants destroyed 12 homes in Dumurkota, where police and villagers eventually herded the elephants back over a river and onto to their migration route.

INDIA: Just make sure you spell Hitler correctly on the ballot! Among the 345 candidates who had run for the national assembly in the latest election in India are Adolf Lu Hitler, Frankenstein Momin, Billy-Kid Sangma and Jhim Carter Sangma. “Parents get fascinated by names of well-known people but are unaware that some are infamous,” said a local teacher. You think?


AUSTRALIA: OUCH! What kind of sex was he planning on having?  A man ended up in the hospital emergency room where he surprised doctors when an X-ray found that he had stuck a fork into his penis.  The man had hoped the utensil would serve as a sexual aid. However, since this did not work out doctors removed the fork with lubricant and forceps. OUCH! OUCH!

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